A letter from Steve Doss
Written in 1997 from Putnam County Jail, to his wife, Elaine.

"Today's bible study was particularly moving for me this AM.  It wasn't only the message, but my mood and receptivity to it.  We read the 13th chapter of John.  The minister pointed out that Christ knew he had less than twenty-four hours of mortal life remaining.  So, at the end of his three years with the disciples, what he did & said then, would surely be profound.  What he did was wash their feet, a way of showing the importance of humility.  Then he acknowledged that he would be betrayed by someone he had trusted. And he gave them a new commandment--to love one another as He loved them.  It would be a sign of their discipleship to Him.  The message is to be humble, forgiving, and loving.

"I take it to heart.  Jerry, the minister, noted that we here in PCJ are in a humbling situation.  As I look at the last few years of my life, I view it as repeatedly teaching me humility.  It makes me more appreciative of my blessings.  I've written to you before that we had to suffer as we have to become what we are and what we will be.
"Forgiveness is something else I'm learning.  It takes time and effort.  We've discussed betrayal before and experienced it firsthand.  Forgiveness also implies that resentment and hate are sins.  I try to keep that in mind.  And as I do an inventory, I believe I forgive everyone, though I probably still hold some resentments.  Not as many as before; but still a few there, nonetheless.  And, I don't hate anyone!

"The loving part seems to be the easier behavior for me, the most natural.  I think my generosity is evidence of that.  And I wish the best for everyone.  So, perhaps in that respect, I am becoming what I want to be.  I'm just trying not to be so vain and prideful...and to let go of any past pains fueling the resentments.

"This evolution, this metamorphosis I'm experiencing, is the single largest reason I consider a Christian counseling center.  I'm not there yet, where I want to be spiritually.  But, as I've written, I feel myself changing.  Immersion in that setting would be beneficial to me.  I guess it's just gonna take time.  A counselor once told me, in a secular program no less, that alcoholism is really just "a hole in your soul".  I think he's right!  The alcohol isn't the real problem.  It's a symptom of a larger thing.  So, my focus now is on my spirituality, my soul.  If it develops well, the drinking will take care of itself.  Have you noticed I'm looking at hope and not giving up?  Progress, evolution, looking to a greater goal."

Read more about Steve from his wife in
the Raider Rambles section.